Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples
Conflict in relationships is normal. How we handle that conflict can create safety or distance in our relationships.
There’s no need to dread conflict in a relationship. Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point. What’s the difference between couples who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond?
The following are highly-effective strategies couples can use to get to the other side of a conflict in a loving and respectful way.
Create a Safe Space
Things can escalate when we feel attacked. To facilitate communication so you can begin to resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:
No yelling
No name-calling
No physical aggression
No foul language
No blaming or shaming
Try establishing some ground rules or agreements sometime when you’re not fighting and your guard is down. That way, you can remind each other of your agreed-upon rules in the heat of the moment.
2. Validate the Other Person’s Feelings
When an argument begins, your first instinct might be to act from a place of defensiveness. It might feel like you’re trying to “win” the argument, or at least prove the other person wrong. Resolving conflict requires validation of both partners’ feelings.
You can acknowledge your partner’s feelings by listening fully when they speak, making eye contact, asking questions to clarify, and thanking them for sharing their thoughts and feelings. When you extend this courtesy, it’s more likely that your partner will do the same for you.
You will be amazed at how much differently things go when you validate your partner.
3. Find Middle Ground
Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Look for ways to find that balance between what the both of you want and what you are comfortable with. Sometimes, this is more easily done with a moderator or couple’s therapist: see step 4.
4. Get Help
Depending on the root cause of the conflict, professional counseling may be warranted. A small fight might be something you can handle, but if you continue to have the same fight over and over again, or if a topic immediately sets both of you off, couple’s therapy might be a helpful solution.
If you and your partner seem to be unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, schedule a free consultation today.
